KCFM Delivery Partners
cookiedeath

"NOOOOOOO!!!" I screamed as I made a futile attempt to stop my youngest child from ingesting what was almost certainly pure poison - a Chips Ahoy cookie. But I was too late. By the time I got within swatting-out-of-the-hand distance, only the crumbs he hadn't licked away from his lips were left.

I watched in horror as he swallowed, smiled, and skipped off toward his friends. How long did we have before the corn syrup seeped into his system, lacing his blood with the murky, genetically-modified juice of death? How long did I have with him until he succumbed to the artery-hardening silent slayer known as partially hydrogenated oil?

"What is your problem?" asked one of my friends, watching me play "give me that!" (me grabbing at the air as he moved his hand with another cookie he'd just snatched up, down, back, forth, out-maneuvering me every step of the way) with my son who was getting ready to ingest the second Cookie of Death.

"Killer pasta, murdering meatloaf, bread; the Silent Executioner!"
"Oh nothing just trying to save my son's life!" I snarled, making a sudden move to grab the cookie (I missed).

"Did ya' ever think you might be overreacting just a tad," she threw back at me, reaching in the bag to get a Death Cookie for herself. "It's not like you guys eat these things all the time. I mean, we ate these on occasion when we were kids, and we're still breathing."

And she did have a point. If we are to believe even a tenth of what the experts tell us about the food we eat, we should all be dead. I mean, every time I turn on the "Today Show," Matt and Meredith are talking about some study showing that something I've been eating for years is killing people left and right. Killer pasta, murdering meatloaf, bread; the Silent Executioner! As Bill Geist says, why don't these experts start eating dinner and stop sending it to the crime lab?

Now I'm not saying we should all throw caution to the wind and start on a steady diet of Dunkin' Donuts and cheeseburgers, but surely it's okay to sample something a little "bad" every once in a while.

I look around and see that my friend is right. There are lots of people in my generation still walking around capable of speech. This is nothing short of a miracle, not only because we ate Ritz crackers, Chips Ahoy cookies and McDonald's French fries (before they switched to "healthier oils"), but because we also rode around in cars that didn't even have seat belts much less back fac- ing car seats, drank out of garden hoses, and played outside without sunscreen.

With that in mind, and with the season of feasting now upon us, I think I'll relax a little and stop drooling and thinking impure thoughts as I fight the urge to tuck into a slice of pecan pie that passes by me at the Thanksgiving table. I'll call upon the advice handed down for generations, "everything in moderation." I'll have a bite or two and remember the good ol' days when we didn't know we were one step closer to demise with every bite. On the other hand, death by pecan pie - what a way to go!

Printer Freindly Version
Email to a Friend
Submit Feedback
Camp Directory 2017
AGM Health Fair 2017
KCFM Delivery Partners
OFFICE LOCATION: 1400 Easton Drive #112, Bakersfield, CA 93309
PHONE: 661-861-4939 For Advertising and Subscription Inquiries
FAX: 661-861-4930
E-MAIL: kcfm@kerncountyfamily.com