Turning Back Time in 2009
"What is that NOISE?!" I yelled, crinkling my eyes and turning my attention to my oldest daughter who had just cranked up her favorite radio station.
Wait a minute, I thought as the word "noise" hung in the air. I'm having a major déjŕ vu. Wasn't this some-thing similar to what my parents said to me on a regu- lar basis: "TURN DOWN THE RADIO?" Was I really saying the same thing to my child that my parents said to me? Had I turned into – gulp – an old fogy, killer of fun and all things cool? When did this happen?
No way, man, I am not the middle-aged mocker of all things teenage that my dad was back in the day. Sure, I may sing along with a tune that I like (at full volume and missing only a couple of the words) and sure, it may be Barry Manilow, but that's what cool Moms do these days. I mean, it's not like I would ever mortify my kids by saying something so totally lame, like my father did the time he yelled out, "Why is this lady singing about a bald-headed woman?" as he was driving my friends and me somewhere. The song was "More Than a Woman" by the Bee Gees, a group consisting of three brothers. OMG – I wanted to just lie down and die.
But when I heard myself calling music noise (which, by the way, it totally was), it gave me pause. And that's when I realized my "change of life" was in the process of taking place. I was becoming an adult.
I stifled my scream with a pillow.
Maybe it wasn't true, I tried to reason with myself (another sure sign of being an adult – kids generally don't talk to themselves; they text or Instant Message someone). But my heart told me it was time to face facts. Hadn't I just spent an hour listening to talk radio? And at this year's neighborhood Halloween party, hadn't I sat on the couch discussing my swelling ankles and heartburn with my neighbor's 78-year-old mother? Next thing you know, I'll be discussing my regularity (or lack thereof) with total strangers. I am faaaar too young for this and have decided it has to stop before something really bad happens; like I start turning down my friends' invitations to join them for Happy Hour because "I'll be out too late" or reminding my kids, in front of their friends, to be sure to eat fiber so they can stay regular.
So, as we usher in a new year, I've decided to make my New Year's re- solution one based on that song by Cher. I can't remember the name, but it goes something like, "If you could turn back ti-ime…" At least, I think that's what she's saying…it's so hard to tell, because all those songs sound alike, and they're so loud you can't understand what the words are.