Clinica Sierra Vista WIC

(Exploding) Light Bulb Moments


by Tracie Grimes
Tracie is a monthly contributor to Kern County Family Magazine

Humor_lightbulb
I’ve been having a lot of “moments” lately.  Not introspective “ah-ha!” moments like Oprah and her friends seem to have every five seconds.  More like light bulb moments gone terribly wrong.  I call them “exploding light bulb moments.”

These are not good moments.  They’re embarrassing moments.  These are the moments that have me kicking myself until I beg for mercy.

Case in point: just today, I was cleaning out the cat box (a joyful experience in and of itself…NOT!) when I said to myself, “Self, why don’t you just tip the cat box pan into one of the thousands of Trader Joe’s paper bags you have stashed between the freezer and the wall so you don’t have to bend over and sift for an extended amount of time.”

“Genius!” I said to myself, congratulating myself on my sensibility and cat-like awareness.  “Oh, you are quick with the wit today,” I said to myself, smiling at my ability to crack myself up.

That’s when the light bulb over my head exploded.  In the midst of congratulating myself on my mastermind-like thought processes, I forgot about one very important detail about the Trader Joe’s bags.  If you don’t pick up both handles at the same time, the handles will tear off and spill the contents on the surface below.  Gross.  That’s all I have to say about that.

In and of itself, that wouldn’t have been so bad.  But, combine it with some of my other “moments” and you have the profile of a real loser.  Like the time I had just dropped off my youngest at nursery school and had about three hours all to myself.  I was on top of the world, ticking off all the things I would do with the time.  Go to the gym; stop by the grocery store; unload the groceries in peace without little hands reaching in the bags to see what treasures lay within; wash and gas up the car.  I started with gas, since everything else on my list kinda’ hinged on transportation.  I started fueling, turned on the radio, and was singing along with Helen Reddy (“I am woman hear me roar”).  Then, as I started pulling away from the pump, I heard the sound of something hitting the side of my car.  It was the fuel pump hose.  I had pulled away from the pump without replacing the hose.  That’s when the light bulb exploded over my head.

Now I know everyone has their moments, but these are just two examples of my many, many moments.  Moments when I’ve forgotten to pick up children from school; moments when I’ve forgotten to pick up dogs from the groomers; moments when I’ve dropped my fully-loaded tray at the Garden Spot.  Can you hear the popping of the light bulbs as clearly as I can?

I’m starting to think that God had quite the sense of humor as he was putting me together.  You know that saying mean kids all over the country use to torment other kids, “When God was handing out brains, you thought he said trains and said give me the caboose?” Yeah, well, that’s all I have to say about that.

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