“Colton, you need to take a chill pill,” I overheard an exasperated mother tell her 4-year-old son on a recent flight as her energetic, talkative, and very loud son Colton pulled the tray table down after about the fifth time his mother had put it up in preparation for take-off.

“But MOM,” he whined (making the one-syllable word “mom” into the three syllable non-word, “Ma-aaaaaa-ummmmm”), “I don’t HAVE a CHILL PILL.  If I HAD a CHILL PILL I would TAKE IT!” (I thought to myself, “Well, there’s no arguing with that kind of logic.”)

Recognizing that any argument with this kind of logic was futile, the fast-thinking mom pulled a square of Starburst from its wrapper and offered it to Colton who promptly popped it into his mouth.  Rolling his eyes to the side and putting his index finger on his chin while chomping down on his “chill pill” (picture a wine connoisseur thoughtfully swishing the wine in his mouth in an effort to decipher the different flavors), Colton announced, “This one tastes like eagle,” in a very authoritative voice.

Colton’s mother then offered him another Starburst (she probably figured she’d better double the dosage of chill pills for the sake of the other passengers on the plane) which Colton declared to have the delicate undertones of giraffe by screaming, “HEY MOM THIS ONE TASTES LIKE A GIRAFFE!”

She must have exhausted her supply of chill pills because as soon as Colton swallowed a giraffe-infused “tablet” she began employing another keep-the-kid-from-totally-freaking-out-in-the-enclosed-space-of-an-airplane technique favored by parents making sojourns with kids in toe – the ole I’ll-just-focus-his-attention-on-something-other-than-the-fact-he-has-to-stay-in-his-seat-with-the-tray-table-up method of distraction.

“You know what Colton, when we land Grandpa will be at the airport to pick us up so you’ll get to see him right away.  Won’t that be nice?”

“How about Grandma?”

“Grandma is at the hospital with Auntie Kristen…we can ask Grandpa to take us to the hospital to see Grandma and Auntie Kristen, though, and maybe you’ll be able to meet your new baby cousin Maverick because he will be out of Auntie Kristen’s tummy.  Won’t that be fun?”  Uh, oh, I thought to myself.  I know where this is going…too bad the chill pills were all gone.

“How is the doctor going to get Baby Maverick out of Auntie Kristen’s tummy anyway?”

“Uh….I’m not really sure.”

“Do you think he’s going to take it out of her mouth?”

“No.  Pretty sure that’s not how Baby Maverick is going to come out.  How could a baby come out of something as small as a mouth anyway?”  (I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one on the plane who thought, “Are you serious with this one, Mom?”)  “Sometimes the doctor will cut the Mommy’s tummy and take the baby out then sew the mommy back up.”  (“Wow,” I thought, reaching for my own “chill pill”…an Altoid.)

Colton was not going to let this one go.

“Will Auntie Kristen remember how Baby Maverick came out of her tummy?”

“Oh yes.  She’ll remember.”

“Do you remember how I came out of your tummy?”

At this point Mom knows she’s been cornered and attempts to divert Colton’s line of questioning by saying, “Hey Colton, when we get to the airport and see Grandpa you can tell him that you want a steak for dinner!  Remember how you were telling me you wanted steak?”

Colton looked at her with an expression that can only be described as the one teenagers get on their faces when a parent tries to give fashion advice…the OMG-are-you-KIDDING-ME-WITH-THIS-RIGHT-NOW! look.

“Mommeee, I am not even HUNGRY!  I JUST HAD TWO CHILL PILLS!”

Methinks Colton is going to give his mom (and Grandpa, Grandma, Auntie Kristin and Baby Maverick, for that matter) a run for their money.  Hope they have plenty of chill pills.