A woman peered into the double stroller and asked, “Are they twins? Is that difficult?”

I heard this comment often when my twins were first born. It was difficult. Really difficult. When I think back to that time period, two things helped me get through it. One was joining a group for moms of multiples (twins, triplets, etc.) and the other was having a mom mentor.

A mom mentor is someone who is a mom to older children and is matched with a first-time mom. She provides support and feedback for the new mom. In my case, she was assigned to me through the mom group. She called me weekly in the beginning and then less often as I became adjusted to my new role as a mother of twins.

There are various types of new mom mentor groups available. I spoke with the founder of two different types of groups. One type is the one I participated in and is run with a family type atmosphere. I also spoke to the founder of a hospital based new mom mentor program which is a patient program. Both mentor programs use peer volunteers who are matched up with a mentee who recently gave birth.

The mom group I belonged to is called Keeping Pace with Multiple Miracles. I spoke with one of the founders, Pam Pace, about the mentor program which she created with co-founder, Donna Baker. The mentor program began after Donna and Pam met in the hospital in 1994. Donna gave birth to triplets while Pam was on bed-rest, pregnant with triplets. Donna became a mentor to Pam when her triplets were born three months later. They continued to support one another and then founded the non-profit group Keeping Pace with Multiple Miracles. Their bond became similar to sisters, which is the main premise of the support they hope to provide for other mothers.

I also spoke with Christine Sweeney, LICSW, who founded the Parent Connection in 1991. This program is based at Beth Israel Hospital in Boston, MA. It was created due to a need the OBGYN nurses identified during follow up calls from women who had recently given birth. Many of the new moms reported feeling overwhelmed or had early symptoms of postpartum depression.

Christine Sweeney, Pam Pace, and other women who participated in the mentor programs reported the following benefits women experienced:

Provides You With a Support System: When you first become a mother, you may feel alone. If you don’t have family or friends nearby who understand your experience, it can be isolating. For many women, having a mentor provided a support system they were lacking. Even women who did have family or friends stated that they didn’t always feel comfortable sharing the negative aspects of being a new mom with them.

Alexis Petru participated in the mentoring program, Mentoring Mothers, located in San Francisco, CA. She stated, “There's still a stigma for women to talk about the ‘dark side of parenting.’ We're still supposed to subscribe to that Hallmark-approved ‘enjoy every moment’ romanticized view of motherhood. During my mentoring group, it was the first time I could really vent about my complicated feelings about motherhood...the anger, frustration, sadness, and loneliness that goes along with the joy and wonder of raising children.”

Christine Sweeney noticed a similar experience in her mentoring program. She said, “Since there isn’t an agenda and no expectations or judgments, women feel safe discussing their struggles. Some women who had difficulty getting pregnant may think they can’t complain about how hard it is to be a new mom. A mentor gives the new mom a sense of safety and relief that they can talk about their feelings.”

Increases Your Confidence: Being a new mom is overwhelming. A lot of new moms question whether they are correctly taking care of their baby. Christine Sweeney stated, “A lot of new moms have questions about breastfeeding. Their mentor can help provide answers and give them a sense of what is normal.” The mentor can answer their questions and let their mentee know they are making progress, which increases their confidence.

Provides You with Resources: In addition to answering questions, a mentor can help their mentee when they might not know how to ask for help or realize they need it. Pam Pace noted, “Sometimes the new moms might have marital problems or financial issues, and the mentor will help them to get the resources they need.”

Christine Sweeney also added that mentors are occasionally the ones to identify when a new mom is struggling with post-partum depression and will help the mentee receive the proper mental health services.

Helps You To Be A Better Mother: By having a support system and the proper resources, new moms are better able to care for their babies. Mentors help care for the new moms when they are focused on caring for their newborns. This enables the mentee to be a better mom to their newborn.