Apr 28, 2022
“Truffles? What truffles? I do not know anything about any truffles.” I had, of course, finished off those truffles by about 10am. But I did not really feel inclined to admit that if I could get out of doing so.
Samantha (not surprisingly) persisted: “Dad said I could have a truffle after lunch.”
“Um, yeah, that is not possible.”
“Mom…” Suspicion was rising in her voice. “Where are the truffles?”
“They are gone.”
“No, Mom. Seriously. Where are they?”
“I am serious. They are gone.” Pause. “There are no more truffles.”
“What?!”
Me: …
Her: ”Mom!”
Me: …
She panicked. She was desperate for a truffle. (As I had been earlier that day. Which explains why they were gone. Obviously.) She continued, “Mom. You ate ALL the truffles?”
Me: …
Her: “Mom!”
After briefly fantasizing about making up a story about how our six-pound puppy climbed to the top of the bookcase where they were hidden and ate them all and got sick and had to go to the emergency vet and almost died and I just didn’t want to tell her about it earlier because I didn’t want her to worry… I decided
to just confess. “Sam. Yes, I ate the truffles. I am an
adult. I can make poor decisions like that, and there is nothing you can do about it.” (OK, that last part may have been unnecessary.)
“But Mom, there were nine truffles in there. You ate nine truffles?”
Me: “There were nine?”
“Yes, Mom. The box had 12. I ate one yesterday. Ashley ate one. Dad ate one.”
Me: “You only had one?”
Her: “Yes.”
Me: “Well, then, it looks to me like your math is solid. I guess I ate nine. Wow, that seems like a lot of truffles in one morning. Don’t you think?”
She let me know that indeed, that was exactly what she thought.
Nine truffles in a morning. Without getting caught. Score! OK, well, technically I did get caught–but not before enjoying nine (NINE!!!) truffles.
It would, of course, be easier if she did not remember that we HAD truffles to begin with.
That is, of course, the problem with kids: They grow up and become more aware of all the ways in which we are (or at least I am) unfair or hypocritical. Gone are the days when I could let them watch a movie at 1pm, so I could sneak in a nap. Or go through the drive-thru and not get them anything as they sat, unaware, in rear-facing car seats. They are on to me. I am going to have to pull myself out of my eleven-year stupor. I am going to have to transform myself from Number One Stick-in-the-Mud Mom to Fun Mom. Mom who Does Things. Mom who Shares the Treats.
I am not sure I have it in me. I mean, after all, I am still recovering from those first couple years of not sleeping. Also (as you may have been able to predict), I have a tendency to find myself in the depths of a sugar crash.
I will now start mentally preparing for unsticking myself from the mud. Hello, more vegetables and exercise; goodbye, afternoon naps and sneaking snacks.
